Sunday Shoe-In

What's up, Yo? Things are busy busy here at the Brown Cotton Mansion. I hope you are having a good weekend out there. We will return with a real post shortly, but for now here are some football picks...

Last week we went 1-1, bringing the season total to 15-5. Have some.

My Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock of the Week is Seattle (-9.5) vs Detroit.

And for all you high rollers out there, this week's Lock-NICE Monster is Baltimore (+1.5) over Cincy.

No More Baseball

Funny stuff, from today's paper. I actually watched most of the game last night. Every Wednesday my buddies from work and I go out for a few beers and 40 cent wings at a local bar. The wings are AWESOME, the beers are plentiful, and it's always a good time. So last night we watched Game 6 while we were out. I have several thoughts on the series, but I will only bore you with a few:

1. I think Pedro needs to bring back the Jheri Curl. I mean, he is almost there... but it needs to be more drippy wet, like 1999 Pedro. You know, let his Soul Glo. I truly believe that was all that he was missing in the two games he pitched. And not for nothin', but I still get excited to watch Pedro pitch in a big game. He will always be the man. And I love that he knows it.

2. I'm glad A-Rod finally won a World Series. Seriously. No, really. I am. I think that A-Rod is arguably the best player (talent wise) I have ever seen play in my lifetime. I think he is a good guy, misunderstood, and overly scrutinized because of his outrageous salary. (like you would have said "No, thanks." to $200 million!) I think he handled the steroid stuff as well, if not better, than anybody. He was honest about his reasons and his mindset, and he came across as genuinely remorseful. And don't forget THIS. (awesome!) Getting this monkey off his back reminds me of Peyton Manning winning a Super Bowl. Good for him. But Mark Teixiera is still a douchebag.

3. The National League sucks. I like the Phillies. I really think they were a great team. But it's obvious that there is a huge difference in the talent level between the two leagues. And for all of that talk about pitching on 3 days rest or not, it became obvious that the big difference in pitching was due to experience. There are no "easy outs" in the AL. Ask your boy Cole Hamels how that worked out for him. (I will admit, however, that Cliff Lee was awesome in game one. Maybe HE should have pitched on 3 days rest...)

4. There is no reason that the World Series should be played in November. Imagine if the Rockies won their series. We would have had snow! It's bad enough they start the games so late... I mean, forget about young kids and future fans, I have trouble staying up that late! And now that basketball season has started and we are right in the middle of football, well, you can't blame America for being uninterested. Baseball is perfect in the summertime. Even a nice autumn evening is fun. But it is played outside. Enough already.

5. We are now officially at the beginning of Red Sawx Season, 2010!!! I can hardly wait...

At least there are baby pictures, Sports Haters.

This week was pretty much uneventful over in Browncottonville. I guess that's a good thing. We've been just living the dream. Or actually living the wide awake... yeah, the baby is still not really sleeping much. Whatever, he still rules.

I actually took little CK-One to the Celtics home opener on Wednesday night. It was his first game (exciting) and the Celtics won big, which was nice. We left early in the third quarter because he was finally asleep (see picture) but he woke right back up as soon as we got to the car. Oh well.

I guess a Celtics blowout is enough to put anybody to sleep. But just in case, here is some football talk. Don't worry, I will NOT talk about my stupid injury-prone fantasy team, or how I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory last week by needing only 5 points out of Brian Westbrook on Monday night for the win, only to have him get knocked out within the first 6 minutes of the game.

I would like to say, however, that it was a nice moment when Westbrook's brother (who plays for the Redskins) came on to the field to be with Brian as he laid there concussed. But my favorite part is that Brian Westbrook's brother is named Byron Westbrook. Yup. Awesome. Brian and Byron. Good stuff, Mrs. Westbrook. Somewhere Bryon "don't call me Byron" Russell of the Utah Jazz is cringing.

But enough about that. Here are some picks for the weekend. Last week we went 3-0, bringing the season total to 14-4. That's over 77% accuracy. (WITH the spread, Jon. I realize that anybody can pick against bad teams, and so does Vegas. That's why the "point spread" was invented.)

This week's Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock of the Week is Houston (-3) at Buffalo.

And for all you High Rollers out there, my Lock-NICE Monster is Arizona (-8) vs. Carolina.

Have a great weekend and be safe out there, America! Here's one more picture of my little Pumpkin... Happy Halloween!!

Decade-ance

I have been around for several decades now. I was born in 1975, so I don't recall much of the 70's. (I would guess that most people, even older than me, don't recall much of the 70's.) It seemed like a cool time, though, with all of the Staying Alive and whatnot. I am not a fan of disco, per se, but I imagine I would have moussed up the ole' chest hair and caught a little dance fever. One memory I have of the 70's is a poster of KISS that I saw when I was maybe 2 or 3 years old. It scared the crap out of me. Only now that I have seen Paul Stanley without make-up, or heard Gene Simmons speak, are my fears fully justified.

Most of my youth was spent during the 1980's. I love me some Eighties. I love all of those VH1 shows about loving the 80's. I love loving the shows, even. Actually, if you are reading my blog, chances are you remember the 80's in some capacity. So I really don't need to explain it to you. I will, however, tell you that Safety Dance is still one of my all time favorite songs, and that I still find it hot when girls have huge Jersey mall hair. (with the high bangs... closer to God, right?)

The 90's were the most funnest decade for me, by far. During the 90's, I went to high school, went to college, honed my awesomeness, and basically just lived the dream. I am actually still living the dream, as we speak, but it all began back in the 1990's.

And then came the 2000's. The Millennium. Y2K. The aughts, if you will. The aughts have a special place in my heart, because it was back in aught-one that I met Nikki. And don't even get me started about the '04 or the '07 Red Sox winning the World Series. (Actually, feel free to get me started. I could go on and on, intelligently, about the glorious Red Sox and the dopeness that surrounds them.) And for all of you haters out there, please remember that the Patriots won 3 Super Bowls during the great 2000's. I'm sure they dumped buckets of Haterade all over each other every time. Feel free to have some.

Why, you might ask, am I talking about decades today? Well, the answer is easy: My son Jared turned 10 years old today. I am so proud of him! Is it a coincidence that HIS decade included both Red Sox titles? I doubt it. In fact, think back to all of the great stuff that may have happened in your life over the last ten years, and thank J-Rod. He rules. Right now he is downstairs, watching cartoons and eating Fruity Pebbles. See? He's so money, he doesn't even know it. Happy Decade, Buddy!!! I hope you have many many more...



Speaking of being straight money, my football picks last week were 3-0. Awww, yeah. That brings the season total to 11-4.

This week's Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock of the Week is Indy (-11.5) vs St. Louis

For all of you high rollers out there, my Lock-NICE Monster is Green Bay (-6.5) vs. Cleveland

And here's a special pick for my little guy... The Ten Year Too Legit to Pick is Philly (-5) vs. Washington.

Have a great weekend out there, America...

Damn Foosball!

Here's an oldie but a goodie for football season:

I am actually on my way out the door but I wanted to throw some picks in your direction. Last week I went 1-1, bringing my season total to 8-4. Respectable, but still not Randy Moss "Straight Cash, Homie"- worthy. In my defense, I thought Eli Manning was not going to play, and I also thought that any professional team (even the Raiders) could cover 16 points. Shows what I know. Let's see how this week plays out.

First off, I like the under in the Kansas City vs. Washington game. (37.5) The under could be 10 and I would still like it. But I have a personal rule against betting the under- it's a suckers bet. What I mean is, the under is always hitting, until it doesn't. If that isn't the most aggravating way to watch a game, I don't know what is. One exception to the rule is the WNBA. Always bet the under in a WNBA game. They are terrible. The only thing I would bet the over on in a WNBA game is "number of backcourt violations" or "number of errant passes." Those women truly do make it look difficult.

So let's get to it, already. This week's Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock of the Week is Green Bay (-11) over Detroit. I actually like Detroit. I got them (by default... I had the last pick) in both of my pick 'em leagues. They have covered and nearly won several games this year. I'm just not feeling it today.

And for all of you high rollers out there, today's Lock-NICE Monster is Houston (+6.5) vs. Cincinnati. This pick has a special place in my heart, because I owe everybody in my office an ice coffee if Houston loses. (Don't worry, there's only 4 of us.) So tomorrow morning is either going to be sweet or embarrassing. Wish me luck...

Have a great Sunday, America!

I must be a TWIT

I'm a fun guy. Not a fungi, mind you, but I like to have some fun from time to time. You could even say that I like to have some fun All Day Everyday. So I decided to play along with Scope and Sass' little game and tell you what I want today. Oh, yeah. In related news, today is Thursday. So this must be Things I Want Thursday at the Brown Cotton Mansion. Buckle up, America...

1. I want to sleep. Like, for consecutive hours. For those of you new to the program, I have a three month old baby who likes to never ever stop crying. I mean, sure, it's been a weepy week here at Brown Cotton Central, thanks to the Sox and Pats... but enough is enough. It's time for him to start expressing himself in other ways, like interpretive dance for example. Maybe shadow puppets. Who knows?

2. Along those same lines, I want everybody to stop asking me, upon finding out I have a newborn, "Hey, are you getting any sleep? " No, jackass, I am not. Are you really interested? I doubt it. And if my stupid friend Chris tells me one more time what an ANGEL his newborn is, and how little Angel Awesomepants sleeps all through the night to the point that they check on him at 9am to make sure he is still breathing, well... I don't know. I might sneak into his house late at night and tussle his hair while he sleeps. (Chris, not the baby.)

3. I want the cold weather to stay away for just a little while longer. Maybe a month. Or ten. Friends of mine have moved away from Boston and told me that they miss the changing of the seasons around here. That fall is the most glorious time of the year. Give me a freakin break. They are a bunch of Hippie Leaf-Peepers. Sure, the foliage in New England is beautiful and colorful. I like pretty colors as much as the next guy (as long as he doesn't go overboard or anything.) But I also like being able to stand outside long enough to admire them. We still have close to a month left in the baseball season. I would be willing to bet that it snows during the World Series. Now that, Al Gore, is an inconvenient truth.

4. I want at least 10% of the people who read Sass' blog to check mine out. Sure, it's updated only weekly (at best.) And sure, sports and sports-related posts are not for everyone. But give it a try. There is some good stuff in there, I assure you. My favorite movies are documentaries, usually about topics I never cared about. Let me be your Michael Moore. My name is Michael. And I am getting out of shape. I am also an opinionated douchebag at times. So there it is. The similarities are canny. (not quite uncanny, at least not yet.)

5. I want my fantasy football team to win this week. (Hey wait, get back here!) That's all I'm going to say about that.

6. I want to eat a Chipolte burrito for lunch at work tomorrow. They just opened Chipolte's next door to my office, and we have been going there at least 3 days a week. Have you ever eaten a burrito from Chip's (as we call it now that we are on such familiar terms)? It is 23 ounces of pure heaven. Trust me. And yes, 3 or more burritos a week are leading the way on my quest to be out of shape. But they are SOOOO GOOOOD. I really think you should go get one right now. It's okay, I am wrapping this post up, so I don't mind.

Obviously, there are more than 6 things I want this week. But I'm just one man. I will leave the rest of the wishing to all of you. Which reminds me of one of my favorite sayings, "Wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one fills up first."

Well said.

Wooden it be nice...

Today John Wooden turned 99 years old. Good for him, I suppose. I am not a fan of Coach Wooden or UCLA, per se, but I definately respect his accomplishments and his life. UCLA's success under Wooden was before my time, but it was still pretty impresive. The game of basketball, the NCAA, and society in general have all changed so much over the past 30 years that a continued dominance like UCLA had will never happen again.

I've watched a lot of documentaries about, and interviews with, Wooden. He really is a great leader, motivational speaker, and teacher of life's lessons. I mean, he literally started each season's first practice with "how to put your socks and sneakers on the right way." He is a kind, family man, who still sleeps next to his wife's nightgown on the bed each night. (she died almost 20 years ago.) He banned profanity among his players and assistant coaches, and has himself not sworn since he was about 14 years old. I'm no math scientist, but that seems like a long time ago.

What, you may ask, does all this have to do with my blog? Well, not much. What fascinates me the most about John Wooden is the SIZE of his ears. I mean, look at those things! Was his success due in part to being able to hear the other teams' game plans... from the airport? Do elves and or/trolls live behind his earlobes, thus magically explaining his longevity? How many Q-Tips does he use in a week? And why is he so stubborn?.. even with ears that big, you can't tell him NOTHIN'.

We may never know the answers to these burning questions. But Happy Birthday to Coach Wooden anyways. He is an American legend and basketball icon. (Plus I think he's listening.)

What do you Expect?

What's up, Yo? I hope you are having as good a weekend as I am. I took Jared to the Celtics (preseason) game against the New York Knickerbockers on Friday night. We had a good time, as always. I was hoping for a Stephon Marbury sighting, but I guess he was home eating Vasoline. Oh well.

Yesterday we just sort of hung out at the Brown Cotton Mansion. We watched about 5 hours of Nickelodeon, which was ok but not great. I love me some Spongebob and I like some other shows a little, but after a few hours it gets a bit terrible. Especially since every time I switched the channel to Sports Center at the commercial, Jared yelled out, "I'm bored" within 3 seconds. Whatever. Nikki was nice enough to point out that I can watch my dumb sports anytime I want, and that Saturday mornings I should blah blah blah. (or something.) I ended up doing some work out back while Jared played with his Legos and watched cartoons.

I spent a good portion of the day trying to close up the pool for the winter. It was really windy here in Boston yesterday, and I was standing on the edge of the pool wall, trying to get the tarp across the top. The wind took the tarp like a sail and almost dragged me into the 50 degree water. Luckily, I have mad skills and balance. I mean, I don't even like to swim when the pool is 85 degrees, I sure didn't want to take a dip yesterday. And of course Jared thought it was hilarious... Go back inside and watch cartoons! Haha just kidding. He was a big help. Well, maybe a little help. Whatever. At least it is (almost) done. I just have to go to the Home Depot today and get some rope to secure my giant sail-tarp. I know, riveting stuff.

The next time I have Jared over isn't for 2 weeks. But it happens to be on his birthday! I'm psyched. Last year his birthday fell on a weekday, so I had to go out and celebrate without him. Actually, there is a funny story about that. I went out after work with the three guys I work with. Tim had just gotten married, and the rest of us bet him that by Jared's birthday in 2009, his wife would be pregnant. He of course denied it, and said it would not happen. Well, fate is ironic. Or maybe irony is fateful. Either way, what happened is that Timmy is still not expecting, but all of the rest of us are. I of course had a beautiful new baby this summer. Chris and his wife just had a baby two weeks ago. And Jay and his wife are expecting in December. I would say that it is something in the water at work, but Tim drinks more water than any of us. Maybe that's his secret.

Which brings us to today. It is no secret that even the best of us have an off week. (football alert... please stop reading right now if you are un-American.) After my glorious 7-1 start to the season, I went 0-2 last week. The Cincinnati game came within half a point of covering (I mean, really, how do you score a half of a point?) but, alas, almost does not count. Try telling your bookie that you will almost pay him and see how that works out for you. Again, I am only kidding, people, this is for entertainment purposes only.

My Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock of the Week is Oakland (+16) at the New York Football Giants.

And for all you high rollers out there, this week's Lock-NICE Monster is Carolina (-2.5) vs. Washington.

I can't believe I am picking the stupid Panthers, who just 2 weeks ago cost me fantasy football glory on a Monday night. I thought at the time that they were the worst team I had ever seen, and I took the loss as a personal attack against me and my family. But then I saw the Redskins play a couple games, and let's just say I would be shocked if the "under" did not hit on this one. So why the Panthers, then? Well, my man Tim is from North Carolina, and he has obviously proved himself to be lucky. Better to be lucky than good, right?

Have a great Sunday out there! (And go SAWX!!!!)

Iron Mike

Let me tell you how kickass my lifestyle is. Last night, we dropped the baby off at Nikki's sister's for the whole night! Freeeeeeeedom! I'm sure you are wondering just what type of debauchery I got myself into. Did Nikki and I go out and hit the town, like the old days? Did we tear it up? Did we tear it DOWN? You must be on the edge of your seat with anticipation. So here it is:

We had a quiet dinner at home and then she went to bed and I watched TV. Awww, yeah. And in related news, I'm old. But it was still pretty nice to have some quiet time at home, and actually sleep all the way through the night. (although it is currently 6:30am here in Boston, so I guess "all the way through the night" means different things to different people.)

There was actually some good watchin' on the TV last night. It looks like all my letters to Ted Turner have finally paid off. Some of my favorite sports movies have been on all weekend. For example, I caught my all time favorite sports movie, Field of Dreams, two separate times since Friday. And then I watched Major League (awesome) and then Hoosiers last night. And Nikki just yelled upstairs to me that Rudy is on right now. Thank you, basic cable. You are alright. I'm going to probably watch some Rudy after I am done writing this. I love me some Rudy, but we all know that the beginning is a little slow. Almost like Rudy himself, the movie takes a while to get going.

Speaking of sports movies, I watched the documentary, Tyson, yesterday. It was about Mike Tyson (imagine that), and it was really good. Let's back up a little. I love Mike Tyson. I think he is an absolutely FASCINATING guy, and I think that he is a truly tragic figure in America. I mean, for all the hoopla surrounding Michael Jackson, I am surprised that Mike Tyson isn't as beloved as Michael. Tyson, like Jackson, came from nothing. At least MJ had a family and both parents. They both achieved the highest level of fame and success, and they both came crashing down to earth, with sex scandals and other troubles.

The rise and fall of Tyson is like something out of Greek mythology. I think the closest parallel is the movie Scarface. Good movie, right? Who doesn't like Scarface? Well, the thing that I feel is often overlooked, is that Tyson is a nice guy. He is genuinely a caring, loving man, who also happens to be as dumb as a bag of rocks. He has been taken advantage of by every person whom he has ever trusted, stolen from by his managers, Don King, Robin Givens, lawyers, etc. He was a product of his environment, trained to be a bully in the ring. Now he is in his 40's, overly medicated, alone, and broke. Listening to Tyson speak, you get the impression that he has genuine regrets, and that he wishes people knew him past the tough boxing persona.

Also listening to him speak leads to pure comedy. As I said, Tyson is dumb. And like a lot of under-educated people, he tries to use big words to try to mask the dumbness. We all remember his famous quote after his last fight, that he will simply "fade into Bolivian." This movie was chock full of Tysony goodness. My favorite was when he described how he enjoys conversation with the ladies. He likes to start a "monologue" with them. I'm sure there is a sexual assault joke there somewhere, but this is a family blog.

So, like many other things, I could go on and on about Tyson. I think that Robin Givens (who went to Harvard, by the way) knew exactly what she was doing with him. She got infinitely more famous, took half his money, and broke his heart. Re-watching that famous Barbara Walters clip (when Givens accused Mike of abuse) was painful... Tyson just sits there in disbelief. And that's the thing... wouldn't this abusive, violent monster blow up on national television? You almost get the sense that was what Givens was hoping to provoke. And poor Mike looks like a little kid who doesn't know what just hit him.

For all of Tyson's faults, and he will be the first to admit there are plenty, I really believe that he is good guy who deserves a break. My friends and I were discussing this the other day. My buddy Chris asked, since I'm such a believer in Tyson's redemption, would I let him baby-sit my boys? And the answer is, probably not. But trust me, that is an extremely short list to be on. And Michael Jackson, although currently dead, would be waaaaaaaay further down the list.

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Let's move on, then, to some football picks. For all of you keeping score at home, last week we went 2-0, and we are at 7-1 for the season. Please feel free to HAVE SOME. With that being said, there are some tough picks on the board today. Nothing that really jumps out at me. But, no one said this was going to be easy.

The Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock of the Week is Tenn (pk) over Jax.

And for all you high rollers out there, my Lock-NICE Monster is Cinn (-3.5) over Cleveland.

Have a good week, America...

No Title Necessary, You Know What You're Gonna Get

It's that time of week again! I give you some brief update about my weekend, and then I learn you up with some football picks. Awww, yeah.

My weekend has been a lot of fun, at least so far. We all (both) understand that everything can come crashing down if my fantasy team loses today. I lost last weekend, to my boy Timmy. He threw up the highest points in the entire league, which of course is what you need to do to snatch victory from Team Brown Cottons. (note: that's not really the name of my team.) And anyone out there who plays fantasy football in a serious league like me realizes that a loss on Sunday (or Monday) can ruin your entire week. I am actually handling it pretty well, since it's still only week 3 and I didn't expect to go undefeated all year. But if we lose today, well...let's not even go there, America. Ok?

So I had my son Jared again this weekend... always a good time. We just kind of hung out on Friday night and watched the Sawx lose to the Yankees and that's it. Jared got a kick out of Lester taking a line drive off the knee cap, for some reason. Must be nice to be nine years old and not realize the severity of what almost just ruined an entire summer of watching baseball.

Then yesterday we went to the mall and did some other minor errands. Exciting stuff, I know. Just Livin' the Dream here at the Brown Cotton Mansion. We were actually just trying to get out of the house and spend some time together... Nikki went out with the (crying) baby so we Iron Maidened it up and ran for the hills.

The mall was fun... we took care of business (buying a new alarm clock for his room) and then we just dicked around for a few hours. We went into Brookstone and played a game Jared must have made up called, "touch absolutely everything in the store to the point that a sales person follows us around to make sure we buy whatever we might break." Nice work, overpriced junk novelty gift salesman. Way to keep it real... Real douchey.

Then we went to the Lego store, which I have to admit was awesome. But what a racket the good people at Lego have going! They had Lego Star Wars ships that would take a team of architects and city planners a week to put together, for the low low price of $600. (Yes, Jared wanted one, and no, I am not THAT big of a pushover.) I remember when I was a kid, I got a Lego fire station. And Jon got a police station. We spent a long time assembling them, and they came out really dope. We were very proud of the young city starting to take shape in our basement. I had no idea that our parents spent over eleventy-thousand dollars to make it happen.

I ended up buying J-Rod a slightly less expensive Lego thing. It was about $50 American, and we are going to build it together next week. He is psyched. And I'm looking forward to it also. So everybody wins. Except the baby, I guess, since he will not get to try to eat the 500 little pieces in the box. I bet they ARE tasty, but I figured he should stick to milk only for a while. (That's right, I will just accept the Father of the Millennium trophy right now.)

Speaking of being awesome, you may notice that my football picks are 5-1 after two weeks. We came within a missed field goal in the Steelers game of being 6-0! But that's ok, people, because gambling is illegal anyways. And this here weblog is for entertainment purposes only. (Although I can't think of anything more entertaining than winning a large amount of money.)

This week's Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock of the Week is: Chicago (-1.5) at Seattle.

And for all you high rollers out there, my Lock-NICE Monster is: Saints (-4.5) at Buffalo.

That's right, America, I took two road teams. I know everyone loves them some Home 'Dogs, but whatever. I guess we will see how Week 3 shakes out. Have a great Sunday out there!